Moved

I made another blog because I don't think that I was being honest on this one. Moreover, I think I've achieved what I wanted to do for the past few months after university which was refocusing on God...bye bye

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry...and it hurts a lot...

I don't know how to rebuke...

I'm probably judging and I don't know...

I should be condemned and go to hell...

Dangg...why can't Jesus transform me now?

I just feel like a criminal...

Jesus help me!!!

I can't encourage others...

I can't do anything...

If there is anything good in me...it is Christ Jesus...

First Day of Volunteering

First day of volunteering was so difficult. I didn't know how to communicate with the children. It was the first time I had to start conversations with people instead of people starting conversations. It kinda reminded me of praying because usually I'm talking but the children barely respond. On the contrary, God always replies. I think I'll learn a lot about communication and understanding from this volunteering experience.

Who is Jesus?

Holland Bloorview & Friends

Yayy! I'm starting to volunteer at Holland Bloorview on Thursday. I'm so happy that I got to see some people from high school that are going to volunteer there too. I'm so excited to go serve the children there : ) On the other hand, I'm not sure how I will react to them because I never worked with children with disabilities or certain conditions before. I'm praying that God will humble me more through this experience.

I think that from this experience, I will learn to understand people more and communicate with others better (especially through listening)...well...I don't really know what God has in store for me yet but I will accept and be thankful for whatever He gives me.

Wow...God really provided for this volunteering experience. The day before, I was so sure that I was going to be late for my interview but I arrived at the hospital exactly at 12:00PM. So sick...

Yesterday, M.Chan sent me:

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him^(F) who called us to^[c] his own glory and excellence,^{[d] 4}by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become^(G) partakers of the divine nature,^(H) having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. ⁵For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith^(I) with virtue,^[e] and virtue^(J) with knowledge,⁶and knowledge with self-control, and self-control^(K) with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, ⁷and godliness^(L) with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection^(M) with love. ⁸For if these qualities^[f] are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or^(N) unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he^(O) is blind, having forgotten that he was^(P) cleansed from his former sins. ¹⁰Therefore, brothers,^[g] be all the more diligent to make your calling and^(Q) election sure, for if you practice these qualities^(R) you will never fall. ¹¹For in this way there will be richly provided for you^(S) an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

(2 Peter 1:3-11)

When I read the passage, verses 5-7 spoke to me most. I know I have problems with faith which is equivalent to I have problems with everything else. xP

Dangg...

E.Mak and E.Tam suggested to pray aloud. It is going swell :)

Humble me

I'm praying to be humbled more and more and to become humble. Dangg...because of my pride I'm not treating everyone the same. Sometimes, I treat some people better than others and sometimes I treat some people worse than others. I think if the person benefits me, I treat them better.On the contrary, those I don't think please me I tend to not even look at people in the eye when I feel pissed off at them. Dangg...I'm judging people. Moreover, I even see myself sticking my nose up in the air sometimes in front of others :S

I'm going to go visit at Holland Bloorview for the next two months. I need to be humble to serve those children and the staff. I cannot place myself in others' shoes if I simply think of myself all the time. I'm also playing softball for the next two months and I'm going to be meeting a lot of non-Christians. How will I share or live out the Gospel if I'm not humble?

God I need to be humble...humble me...

God increase...me decrease!

SCBC & Family Fun

I like the new pastor at SCBC. I like how he preaches and I like the topic they're studying right now. They're talking about the Holy Spirit. Today, we learned that to be filled with the Holy Spirit = let Him control you. The passages we studied were Acts 2:1-4 and Ephesians 5:15-18. I really want more of Him right now. I desires from Him to increase and my sinful desires to decrease.

Today, I spent a lot of time with my cousin and my siblings. First, I saw my cousin at SCBC. Then we went to watch Cars 2 together with my brother. We sat at the first row and watched the movie 3D. There were so many little children at the movie theater. It was my first time watching a movie so close up front. My neck kinda hurts now but it was a fun experience. After the movie, we went to my house and had dinner together. My sister returned home from retreat and she shared about her retreat experience. I didn't find that my siblings and cousin were as important before, and I didn't know that we had so much fun together. I pray that we'll have so much fun together in Heaven. :)

I think that once we're away from home so long, that we truly understand how important family is to us.

...especially when you know the don't have Jesus.

GospelSharingCCF

http://www.mediafire.com/?moz888qcbzeseu6

Something that University Students struggle with...

Every year, university students fall into the temptation of drinking and holding drinking parties and getting drunk (including myself). I found a really cool and interesting verse when I was reading the ESV Bible a week ago.

so as to live for^(F) the rest of the time in the flesh^(G) no longer for human passions but^(H) for the will of God. ³For the time that is past^(I)suffices^(J) for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. ⁴With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of^(K) debauchery, and^(L) they malign you;

(1 Peter 4:2-4)

The Man Under the Stage

Jesus tells us to have Faith

This is why we should be doing our best in school...

Hungry New Mind

Pray Alone

Jesus wants us to be Joyful

Jesus is Funny

How you may be opening your doors to demons - Mark Driscoll

You're Beautiful - Phil Wickham

Xanga

I think I am going to blog on xanga from now on...

My thoughts are getting too personal...

Cover and Reference Letters

I hate writing cover letters. They make me feel so prideful. Every cover letter makes you say "I'm better than the other person so choose me" or "I'm the best" or "I'm not like other people". Wow...I can't believe we created this sheet of paper for our jobs and volunteering. We cannot get a job by being humble (unless you get a job offer or suggestion).

Now I have to write a reference letter to myself and it is as difficult as writing a cover letter. It makes me uncomfortable and prideful again. I don't know what other people see in me. I wished the people who asked me to write the reference letter for them told me the skills and attributes they saw in me. I'm scared if I lie like Pinocchio and stick my long nose up in the air.

Conviction of the Day

I got this off the Hebrews 10:24 group on facebook. It spoke to me because I believe that this is very applicable to me. I always compare myself with others and look down on myself. This is from the member "Jermaine Wall".

Conviction of the Day:

Just discovered a break-through in my sin of comparison. I've been convicted over and over about me comparing myself, my circumstances and everything in between to the other people and their circumstances. In many ways, the crux of everything is me saying "That's not fair. Why does so-and-so get this, but I don't?"After pondering about the wide variety of blessings that God's put on me (thanks to the prompting and encouraging from a few brothers in Christ), and reading a few Biblical resources, I've come to a few conclusions:
(1) Other people could say the same thing about me. "That's not fair. Why does Jermaine get so-and-so, but I don't?" I wouldn't be able to answer that, because God's blessings are evident in my life.
(2) God continues to meet every single need of myself and my brothers/sisters. Why complain?
(3) "Fairness" is actually a guise for pride -- why does everything have to be about me?
(4) The path our Lord took while on Earth is one that stands up against "fair" and "justice." While our King never sinned against God or His neighbours, Jesus always received the unjust and unfair brunt of situations. He continued to love. He continued to pour Himself out for His people. He continued to take insults and hatred. He endured the mocking of men. He was scorned by men, and considered dirt. He was sent to the Cross for our sins, to satisfy the just punishment we deserved
(5) Imagine if Jesus lashed out against those who were "unfair" or "unjust" to Him? We'd all be going to Hell.
(6) Did our Lord "deserve" to be killed and punished on a Cross? No, yet he bore our sins. "He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows;yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. - Isaiah 53:3-5

My challenge:

How can we then view our circumstances? Can we continue to look at things as a matter of "fair" or "unfair"? Can we continue to complain about life, all the while forgetting that God disciplines those He loves? What does this leave us, Christians? What options do we have left? Are we going to continue day-dreaming about what we could have, or are we going to seek to glorify God where He's placed us?

I remain challenged by my sin of comparison, but by looking at the Cross, and cherishing the fact that He took the wrath that was due to us, I can now view life differently and rejoice. I'm saved! I'm a son of God! Comparison...the only one we can compare ourselves to is God, and not others. Let's strive for Holiness.

--Jermaine Wall

June Routine

I'm back to the same April routine.

Wake up at 7AM to make lunch for siblings.
Wake siblings up at 7:30AM for school.
Send off siblings at 8AM for school.

then...do nothing until 3PM when I go pick-up my siblings from school.

I feel like a mom. Tonight I have to cook dinner for my family.

haha...

I'm still trying to look for jobs or volunteering opportunities. It is so difficult to find something to do during the summer. I wonder what God wants me to do during this summer because volunteering or working doesn't seem like part of His plan. This makes me feel like an "adult".

God Answered my Prayers...?

Today was my first service at church since I returned from Hong Kong. I was very surprised to see a couple of people today at church and surprised to know what the topic of Sunday school and service were.

I was very surprised to see a floormate attend our church. His name is Andy. I remember when I talked to him during the school year, he wasn't very interested in religion and Christianity. I believe we were talking about deep stuff. I also remembered during the school year I prayed for God to deliver our floormates from evil and get to know Jesus. I can't believe that we saw atleast one floormate at church and especially SCommAC!! I was also surprised to see D go to church. It was funny because E.Lo, Dream Boy and I were just joking around the other month about praying for him to become Christian or else something would be unholy. I talked to D today and he said he accepted Christ as Lord and Saviour last week. WOW...


For Sunday School we're learning about "Seeking for God" which is the answer to my prayer for the past month. For Service we're learning about "Loving Others".

During my trip to HK I thought God forsaked me and everyone was telling me that He doesn't forsake His children. I wish I didn't doubt...

HK lessons

I'm going back to Canada tomorrow. I learned a couple of things...

1. I need to keep seeking for God (I'm not sure how to...)

2. Apparently I have the gift of intercession and prayer...

3. prophesy about "Something about pursuing "the one"" (wahh??? need to test it first)

Apparently, there is this one person that I have to be the messenger for between that person and God...so am I a prophet?

4. prophesy about great things (very vague but need to test it anyway...)

5. I need to keep praying for my grandma and uncle

My grandma's heart is a lot less hardened than before. Apparently, she didn't even want to talk about religion before but when I visited her we talked about Jesus. (maybe she is being nice 'cuz I'm her grand daughter haha)

6. Another prophesy...I need to find a group of people who will go out and share the Gospel with me...or something...

7. I need to spend more time in personal prayer

I have trouble praying...I can't pray by myself. Alex said that if I have trouble praying, pray for him. haha

8. I'm going to start reading the Chinese Bible and learn Chinese. I might join the Cantonese fellowship too...not sure...have to pray about it

9. I love my grandma very much

Cults in HK

I keep on meeting false prophets here.

Yesterday, I met with these people that go this cult called "Church of God". They believe that there is not only a Heavenly Father, but a Heavenly Mother. I have no idea how they extracted that from the scripture. They said that salvation comes when we call upon the Holy Spirit and the Heavenly Mother and not through Jesus. They said that in the Old Testament, you call upon the Father for salvation and during Jesus' life on earth you call upon Jesus. However, during our times we call upon the Holy Spirit. They somehow extracted this from Revelations 22:17. They made me feel angry.

The day before, Mich and I met Filipino people at a McDonald's at the IFC. They were from the church of Seventh Day Adventists. They were very nice but what they believed in wasn't right.

Why is it that I always attract people from different cults...or I always encounter them. I wish I could speak Cantonese well and know those Chinese religious terms. Language is my barrier : S

Haiz...

Night Messages

I've been getting messages in the middle of the night. I always wake up and feel like reading my Bible. The night before yesterday was Acts 19. Yesterday night was Matthew 24. I always feel scared of God after I read the scripture too.

Dreaming in HK

I really enjoy sleeping at HK. I'm sleeping better here and I'm receiving dreams. However, they are really random...here are the dreams from the past few days:

May 8, 2011

Last night I went to fellowship at “the Vine”. The speaker told us what the definition of child-like faith was. I learned that to have a child-like faith, you would ask God for your task and follow the task that He would want you to do. I prayed to Jesus for a task before I slept. I had a couple of dreams last night.

I don’t remember the first dream but I remember I woke up and I heard a very scared voice of either a mature adult man or woman saying “The lord wants me to die.” It was very creepy... I prayed to God for discernment and for Him to deliver us from the evil one. I remember the first thing that came to mind before I woke up was “Spiritual warfare”. I felt like there was a lot of that in Hong Kong. I don’t know why but I felt like there were a lot of evil spirits here, everywhere.

Billie, Brian Ma and a couple other people (I don’t remember their faces) were studying in this study room in Hong Kong. We took a break or something so we went downstairs and we crossed the street to check out the surroundings. On the other side of the streets was a sketchy building. I went inside with someone (I don’t remember who but it was someone I knew) and found some VCR tapes. I remember that I went to the washroom before I came out and the washroom was very nice. Brian, Billie, a couple of other people and I were chilling on the streets. Then we see fire trucks and police trucks. I remember either Billie or Brian almost got hit by one. Then Billie started talking about the sketchy building and how some guy was doing illegal stuff with the VCR tapes and he was hiding this stuff behind the banner of the store. We found one of the tapes in a shopping cart. Then I woke up because I thought I was late for church but it is only 6AM.

Cool! I didn’t know the mafia would be up so early at 6AM. I just saw some race cars speed madly on the highway. I guess they’re late for church.

May 9, 2011

Timothy Yung was in my dream last night. I don’t remember what happened though because I remembered I woke up and was too lazy to write it down.

I dreamed I had a physics exam at Waterloo. Mr. Gibson was my physics professor. He was a good teacher. I remember Valerie Yip was in my class. I don’t remember most of the details though. I know I did go to the cafeteria to eat something.

meh...

Feeling kind of hopeless at the moment because I don't know what to do. I don't think that God is answering any of my prayers at the moment.

My grandma's heart is so hardened. She 100% does not believe in prayer...well I'm having a little trouble believing in prayer at the moment too.

Why is it so difficult to rejoice?

Something about Rainbows...?

Finally, I can speak English again...I met up with Ken and Ally yesterday at the Olympic station. We took around an hour or so to get to our final destination. I shared with them about the Freshwind Conference and what I am having trouble with at the moment. I went to Tsim Sha Tsui with them. We walked around and saw a Christian Book Store. So cool...it was kinda random because I never expected to see stores like that in HK. I asked my Aunt about it and she said that there were a lot in HK. What caught my eye outside the store was "Holy Bible". There were also 2 HKD postcards. I didn't like all of them except this fat panda haha. Ally found a devotional book that applied to my struggle. I feel better now. I'm learning to have more faith and getting rid of my doubt. I'm praying for faith right now. Ken bought me a bookmark. I don't remember what it said but it was something about rainbows and God haha.

I read "Faith Prayer" from Blueprint. I'm praying to ask for the fullness of the Holy Spirit, to wait on God and to have more faith in what I pray for.

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I wasn't online today because I spent time upstairs look for Chinese Christian terms in my Chinese-English Talking dictionary on my phone. It was so cool and fun because I learned a lot of new words in Mandarin. After I learned it in Mandarin, I asked my grandma how to read it in Cantonese so now I know resurrection, resurrect, Holy and a couple others (I don't remember what I asked her). Hehe I'm thankful that I bought the phone that I have right now because the Christian terms are defined really well with a lot of Biblical references and stuff. Thank You Jesus!

When my grandma read me the Christian terms in Cantonese, she told me stuff about the Gospel. I guess she heard it before. I was talking to her about babies (don't talk to you grand parents about babies because they lecture you about sexual relationships) and offering after but she doesn't know Jesus. I think she sees Jesus as a God of wrath and not a God of wrath and Love. Jesus, I want her to know You. Please, have mercy on her!

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Luke 16 is confusing... I don't understand = 3="

Went to the Market

Yesterday, I didn't do much. During the morning I woke up and ate congee. After that I washed the floors and dishes. My grandma taught me how to cook noodles in her own special way. Hehe noodles :) anyway...I spent time reading the Bible yesterday and reading the Blueprint again. I was reading the chapter on "Waiting Prayer". I exercised it but fell asleep. Then I slept for maybe four hours because of jet lag. By the time I woke up it was dinner.

I went out with my uncle and his family to eat dinner at Olympic City 2. I ate dishes I never ate before in Canada. They were very oily and there wasn't much vegetables. However, I am very thankful that I got to eat those "special" dishes because they were very yummy and I got to spend time with my baby cousin, Anson. He is very cute. He speaks both Cantonese and English very well. He doesn't know how to read yet. I brought him a Children's Beginner Bible from Canada. Hopefully he will learn how to read and love Jesus from the Bible.

From talking with my cousin I definitely know that I would like to work with children when I have a stable occupation.

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My grandma has a sore throat at the moment. I tried praying for my grandma last night but she didn't want me to pray with her. She said that she didn't believe in Christianity so I shouldn't pray with her. I didn't pray WITH her but I prayed for her in my own room. Her heart is still hardened...

I'm praying for mercy on her.

Since I read the "Waiting prayer" chapter of Blueprint, I tried it. Nothing happened last night. I didn't really hear the Lord's voice. I feel like I can't connect with Him right now. I feel very distant. I don't know what is stopping me from being connected to Him. Since, I didn't get much from waiting and praying, I read scripture. I was continuing on reading the book of Luke. The chapters 12 and 13 are kind of confusing. I don't really understand it.

After I prayed last night and went to sleep I had a bad dream. I was sinning a lot in my dream. I did a lot of stuff that I would never do or would do or thought of doing. For example swearing. I was conscious in my dream so I realized that I was starting to sin. I told myself don't do this and I started to repent and ask God for forgiveness. Then I woke up because I knew that my dream was a bad dream. When I woke up, I was stuck on the bed again. I got sleep paralysis for the...sixth time? I don't know but I'm getting it a lot this year...

I'm still having problems being confident. I don't know why but I'm worrying a lot about worldly things at the moment. This is very bad...

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This morning I went to the immigration office to apply for my HK ID Smart Card. I took my picture and stuff. It was a very fast process. The people here are very efficient.

After that I went to Mong Kok market with my auntie. She taught me how to bus and buy stuff there. It was fun! :) I bought choy sum, lemons and pears. I pray that these will help my grandma be better. It was sad to see that every market stall had a small Chinese temple. We need to pray for this city to love Jesus!

My dream on the airplane

I remembered in my dream I was feeling very put down. Different people started encouraging me. I don’t remember what they said but I remembered they were encouraging me. I was still feeling very low. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he encouraged me. I was so surprised that I woke up. I wonder if this is given from God or from my own thoughts and feelings? Holy Spirit I need discernment.

F.O.P.

Hallo! I arrived in HK last night. The flight was pretty good. I enjoyed the food and the service and the movie and the my new friend.

My plane buddy is called Torus. He was going home in Guang Zhou to visit his family. He came over to Canada to study. This year was his second year (if I remember correctly). He is in first year Engineering Science at University of Toronto. At first, it was really difficult to talk to him because I didn't know what to talk to him about. I prayed to God for an opportunity to talk to him about religion and God. I'm sure that God was working on that plane because I did eventually get to talk to Torus about my faith in God. I don't remember how we brought up the topic though...oh well..that just makes it even more miraculous.

Torus questioned me about Christianity. He thought that there were a lot of "rules" that we had to follow to be Christian. I explained to him about the Old Testament and the New Testament. I shared with him the Gospel. I didn't share with him my testimony though...I think I should have. He didn't accept Christ but he thought that religion was pretty interesting and that I'm very devout or something haha

Hehe...the flight was so embarrassing because I accidentally drank Torus' cup of water once. AIYA! so embarrassing hahahaha

I took some time to pray on the plane and read my Bible and Blueprint. I was praying for the Holy Spirit's presence to be upon me. I want Him to fill me up more and more and more. I'm still praying for the gift of tongues. I feel like I'm very doubtful at the moment because my Chinese is still very bad. Moreover, I don't know how to open up to my grandma and I haven't spoke to my uncle about the fortune teller thing either. I keep on doubting that Jesus' chose me again. I need more faith!

Praying for faith and the presence of the Holy Spirit.

Airport

Haiz...so sad I'm by myself in the airport waiting for the the plane to be boarded. It is so boring right now and sad. I'm going on this trip by myself. When I was going to the passenger wait off area I had to say "Goodbye!" to my dad. Usually I'm really tough and I don't cry, but I felt like crying this time. However, I was still tough enough to hold back the tears. I was about to cry so I ran into the washroom and I just thought to myself that I have so much time with God now. At home I was really busy taking care of my siblings. Now I feel like I'm alone. I can learn to depend on God.

Rediscover You - Starfield

I need to just admit

my faith is paper thin

I'm feeling so burned out

On religion

I say an empty prayer

I sing a tired song

I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back

You told me

Look for You and I will find

So I'm here

Like I'm searching for the first time

Revive me, Jesus

Make this cold heart start to move

Help me rediscover You

I want to learn to pray

The way that David prayed

I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name

I want to feel like new

I want to hunger for you

Bring me back to life like only You can do

Cause I don't want to stay the same

You told me

Look for You and I will find

So I'm here

Like I'm searching for the first time

Revive me, Jesus

Make this cold heart start to move

Help me rediscover You

Lord, I want to be Yours today

I want to know the passion of the saints

And how they were changed

You told me

Look for You and I will find

So I'm here

Like I'm searching for the first time

Revive me, Jesus

Make this cold heart start to move

I want to burn for You

Bring me back to life, Jesus

Help me rediscover You

This is exactly how I feel. I want to get Starfield's "Saving One" album...the worship songs are nice, too bad I'm not going to be at the concert...

One of the Last Prayers...

The roof of my mouth feels kinda funny-painful-ish right now...not very good 'cuz I'm going to HK tomorrow. I hope I'm not getting sick.

I'm feeling so low and I know that I have nothing to offer to God right now except my problems. I can't even worship or pray or praise. Everything that comes out of my mouth are complains and words of obedience. I'm fighting against my desire to argue. I hate this so much because I feel like a geyser that is filling up with more and more pressure until I explode.

dangg...

Why do I feel like this before I go to HK?

I can't even remember any Bible verses right now.

Jesus I need You. Will you come to the rescue? I feel like You won't because You have forsaken me and left me behind because I'm acting like a little baby. I feel like a lil' nuisance on the earth that doesn't deserve my parents attention. I'm doubting so much in You right now but may You exchange this doubt for faith? Will you exchange these complains for a mouth of praise. Will you exchange my depressed heart for a heart of joy? Will you exchange my troubled mind for a mind with the Spirit's peace? Will you exchange my hate for myself for a Love for You? This is my prayer in Jesus name. Amen.

The end.

Venting

I know 100% that there is something wrong with me. All I see are my failures. I feel very low in confidence right now. I can't stop dissing myself.

I was planning to ramble about what is causing me to be depressed but...

I don't want to share with others because I want to learn how to trust and rely on God.

the Source Code

I watched a movie last night. During the day, I debated whether I should go to the movie or not. I eventually went, because my dad already got me a movie coupon thing so I decided not to waste it.

When I arrived, Bi.Leung was already there. We chatted about our trips to HK (which reminds me that I need to write her a plane letter). I'm really excited to go to HK :) I can't wait to outreach!!

Anyway...

Other people arrived and we bought our tickets and we went to watch the movie "The Source Code". I think the idea of the movie was pretty cool but the whole idea of watching movies felt different from before. I think if I went to watch the same movie last year, I would've thought the movie was pretty awesome. However, I didn't enjoy the event last night.

I felt like God was speaking last night during the movie. I felt Him saying something but I didn't understand. I started praying during the movie so that He would reveal Himself in someway. I just felt more Jesus hungry.

I'm not finding peace in my heart right now...I want more of Jesus.

Dangg...feel like crying and I don't know why...

Luke 10: 20-24

Read Luke 10:1-24 last night

verses that spoke to me:

"However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

(Luke 10: 20)

I wonder what I'm rejoicing in...

"At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do."

(Luke 10: 21)

I'm a lil' child :) When I went to the Freshwind Conference, one of the people who prophesied over me saw me holding on to God's hand. I thought the image he saw was kind of funny because he said that I was really tiny and just holding on to God's hand but the top part of His body extended up to the sky and you couldn't see where His head ended.

"“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows who the Son is except the Father, and no one knows who the Father is except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”"

(Luke 10: 22)

Jesus chose me :)

"Then he turned to his disciples and said privately, “Blessed are the eyes that see what you see. For I tell you that many prophets and kings wanted to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.”"

(Luke 10: 23-24)

I don't know what I see and I don't know what I heard.

I feel very God hungry right now. I want to know Him more but I feel like I don't know Him at all. I want to know how to seek Him. AHHH...this is difficult xP

Lost in Confusion

I'm so confused...I watched this video called "the Fire" recently and I don't understand how to live anymore. I don't know how to seek Jesus either. I don't how to do it so I just sit and stare at the ceiling or the wall for the longest time ever. I wish Jesus would just reveal stuff to me...or maybe He is revealing stuff but I'm blind so I can't see...

I'm going to go worship and sing Hosanna until my Spiritual eyes and ears are opened to Him.

Luke 8:16-18

"No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Those who have will be given more; as for those who do not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them."

(Luke 8:16-18)

I think this passage is really interesting because Jesus is telling me that there is nothing that can be hidden. Therefore, the Gospel will always be revealed. Everyone will hear it somehow. However, the outcome of what you hear is different. You can either accept it and live by it or you could reject it.

Jesus tells us that if we do listen to His Gospel He will give us more. I want to live by His Gospel. I want Him to give me more of the Holy Spirit. I want to walk by the Spirit everyday! I'm going to try to listen to God more and seek Him more desperately.

Those who don't live by Him will have everything taken away. This is so true! This is because those who don't live by Him probably thing that they have everything right now. However, when judgement day comes or when death approaches, they will realize that they have nothing at all.

HK Prayer Requests

I have a few prayer requests before flying to Hong Kong. They are, pray for my grandma, pray for my uncle's family and pray for the gift of tongues.

1. My grandma is very old and she has not accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour yet. She has a lot of medical problems and is blind. She isn't opened to religion and she doesn't believe in one. I believe that she is carrying a lot of burdens in her life because she said she suffered a lot during her life time. I hope you pray for God to have mercy on her and change her hardened heart for a softened Christ loving heart. I would like you to pray for the gift of healing so that her eyes will see physically and spiritually.

2. My uncle, his name is Addison, has went to a specific fortune teller for many years. He said that the things the fortune teller tells him is very accurate and true. We know that fortune telling is the opposite of the gift of prophesy. Fortune tellers are able to place curses or demonic slavery in the family. I want you to pray for the protection of my entire family and that in Jesus name that all the demons in the family will be binded and cast away. I also want to pray in Jesus name that all the curses that have been placed on the family will be uplifted.

I want to pray for my Uncle's family to accept Jesus Christ is Lord and Saviour. I want to pray for their family to see that Jesus is EVERYTHING.

I also want to pray for the fortune teller. I pray that the demons inside of him/her will be cast away in Jesus name and that they will come to Christ because He is the Almighty God and not Satan and his comrades.

3. Finally, I want to pray for the gift of tongues. There was a story of a woman in America who never met a Chinese person before. When she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour, the Holy Spirit filled her and she began to speak in tongues. She only spoke and wrote Chinese for three days. My Chinese isn't that well but I pray that God will give me the gift of tongues to speak and write in Cantonese for the whole month of May so that I may share His Gospel with the lost souls in Hong Kong.

Cold Call [Day 1]

I was cold calling today with E.Lo. It was a perfect time to spend time with God because E.Lo was on the other side of the street, so I was by myself. It was raining today...so BEAUTIFUL! I love to hear the rain patter on my umbrella.

anyway...

I was spending a lot of time in worship and prayer and meditation when I was handing out flyers for Dream Boy's business. There is a lot that you can see or notice from looking at people's houses. You can see if the family has children or elderly people. You can see if there are people in the house who are handicapped. You can see which cultural group the people were from. You can also see what religion they believe in.

There were a lot of houses that were very pretty (physically) but very much broken (spiritually). There were some houses with gargoyles on it or little demonic like statue creatures that were decorated on the wall of the house. When I saw them, I got quite scared...why would people have those kinda stuff on their house. I would totally freak out! There were also houses that were probably inhabited with Chinese people because they had one of those Chinese temples outside or those Chinese fortune banners or Chinese charm things hanging or stuck on the doors outside. There was one house that I prayed for and felt a very chilly feeling from. When I was leaving the doorstep of the house I felt something grabbing hold of my leg. I prayed about it in Jesus' name and it went away. Finally, there were houses where there were ashtrays outside on the porch.

I kept on questioning myself when I passed by each house, "Who is Lord of this house?"

I prayed for most of these households. It was a great way to pray for the community. I'm going to be doing more of this tomorrow. Continue praying...

Jesus told me...

He said I was beautiful and that I should stop striving to be perfect.
He said that He wanted me to find joy in Him.
He said that I will help lead UWCCF

...interesting

Being Merciful

I'm reading the book of Luke currently:

Luke 6:27-36

The verse that really convicted my heart was:

36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Jesus was merciful, but I am not merciful at all. I judge consciously and subconsciously. Jesus was compassionate for the lowest of the low. He didn't hesitate to help those who appeared ugly or socially not in place. These people were considered unworthy of sympathy. We are like these people too. Even though our sins don't seem as worse, we still have sin. We are unworthy of this gentleness. I am unworthy of this mercy.

I am like the leper. I am like the prostitute. I am like the widow. I am like the dead child. I am like the crying father. I am like the lost mother. I am like the shriveled handed man. I am like the blind. I am like the weak. I am like the demon possessed. I am like the pharisee. I am like the tax collector.

I am diseased. I am adulterous. I am alone. I am dead. I am mourning for the dead. I am lost for my own desires. I am unable to do anything. I can't see. I can't breathe. I have idols. I judge. I am greedy.

but...He has mercy upon me.

He sees His own righteousness through me.

So who am I to judge? Who am I not to have mercy on?

If Jesus is merciful on me and I DO NOT deserve it, then do I deserve to NOT be merciful to others? To answer the rhetorical question, I believe no. Hence, I should be more merciful and love His people and His children.

How to do this? I have no idea but I'm going to pray about it and really think about W.W.J.D.

The other parts of the passage made me think about non-Christians and the antichrist. It makes me think about praying for those who aren't nice to you. It makes me think about praying for Lady Gaga.

30-31 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Sometimes people ask me to help them with homework, assignments, learning something, cooking or meeting up. Most of the time I would choose to not help them, subconsciously, but then help them, consciously, but with complains or grumbling. These two verses reminded me of another previous verse that I read in the Bible:

"those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep"

(1 Corinthians 7:30)

I don't know if I am interpreting the verse correctly but God told me through this verse that all that I have is simply a blessing but not mine. Hence, I should share my blessings and not ask for returns if someone asks me for it. I should be less selfish and rejoice when others ask me to share my blessings.

Blah...and my tongue has problems too. I say too much bad stuff or secrets that I shouldn't say. I think I'm better with pen and paper or typing. haha even though I'm not the best writer...

This is my first step to strive to be more like Jesus

I get scared easily...

I got scared of a lot of things recently and these are the few things:

1. Sleep paralysis

I did not have a fun experience yesterday when I was taking a nap. I dream I was having was pretty good. It was really happy I remember running around in the sunlight then suddenly I was in a shower room and I realized that my dream was becoming sinful. The two people around me told me that it was okay to be seeping into sin. I knew it was wrong so I told myself to wake up from my dream. I did and I felt the arm that was around my neck, in the dream, upon my neck when I woke up. I tried getting up from the bed but it pushed me down further. I tried a couple of times more but each time I tried to get up, the arm would get tighter. I then heard a voice. It was very manly. He asked, "Do you want to go back to the grave?" then he made a menacing evil laugh. It sounded like "Muhahahaha". I started praying and trusted that Jesus would get me out of the situation. After I prayed, I took a deep break through my mouth and I got up. I went into K.Lam's room and told her what happened and thanked God.

This experience made me think about where I was with God. Am I walking with Him or not? Am I focused on Him or not? When I was studying later, I reflected and concluded that I wanted His Love more than any other. I want to seek and receive His Love more than any other.

Last night, I couldn't sleep because of what happened during the morning. I had to sleep with the lights on...

2. Lady Gaga's Judas song

So scary. it doesn't make any sense. I felt struck with fear when I read the lyrics to the song. I'm so scared for the people who either listen to it or read the lyrics and liked it. I feel like there is a building or growing generation for the antichrist. This leads to my next fearful point...

3. Responses to Lady Gaga's Judas

There was a girl that made a video on her response to the Judas song. I did not completely agree with her video response on youtube because some of the stuff she said was Biblically incorrect. However, there were many responses to her video and they were all gung-ho for Lady Gaga. They were making fun of that girl who said Lady Gaga was "evil". They all defended Lady Gaga. It is so scary to see how many video responses there were to the girl's response. It really shows the antichrist generation expanding.

I was praying for Lady Gaga the other night and then I got a nightmare...

Lady Gaga is scary [period] The end.

I feel like I'm so far away from Him.

I think it is time to refocus on Him.

Talking to Myself

This probably won't make sense... I failed at not going on blogger...i guess it is because i can't seem to study stats right now..AIYA total fail...T ^ T anyway.... I was just reading j.lam's blogpost and it made me think of myself. Danggg...my Spirit is saying "Go!" but my flesh and heart is saying "Hold back!". I feel like my sinful mind and flesh is giving me sinful thoughts and discouragement. AHHHH...why is my confidence so low? why do i feel afraid? This is a pain in the butt... = 3=" ...back to studying... haha i'm a chicken...

Soup Kitchen

I went to soup kitchen today. It was very interesting...I see that there are more men there than women. My heart broke for those people there. I felt like crying for them. I wanted to share the Gospel with them but we weren't allowed to evangelize to them.

Today, B.Leung ('92) and I were serving yogurt, fruit and cutlery to the people. After we served, we had the opportunity to eat lunch with the people that came to the soup kitchen. We sat with two men. One was called Peter, the other Mark. I wanted to start talking to them about the Bible immediately because both of their names were from the Bible. However, I had to control my tongue since we weren't allowed to share the Gospel. Peter was a senior aged person. I don't think he is homeless but he lives off pension.

Peter told us a lot about his past occupation experiences and how he lost them. I felt bad for him because it was university students that made him lose his job once. He said that he thought I was Japanese. haha and how he couldn't differentiate between the Chinese people and the Japanese people and all the other Asians.

Soon after, he started reading the newspaper. He commented about everything on the first page of the paper. He started talked about the nuclear contamination in Japan and how it would affect the water in the ocean. He talked about the food supply and how it would decrease due to this problem. He said that the water will spread and affect Vancouver. When he said that I was thinking about the book of Revelations. I think it said that 1/10 or was it 1/4 of the water on the earth would be contaminated. Wow...a greater sign that Jesus is coming back soon. (Dangg...when I was typing this I felt something flow back and forth through my body...)

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I was thinking about outreach and this soup kitchen. I have more ideas for next year's outreach ministry. I hope the ministry turns out okay because committee was thinking about scrapping the ministries during the last membership meeting. It was disappointing to hear that....

Patterning and 1 Corinthians

So many different patterns are affecting me again...AUGHH...I really dislike when you think you conquered sin but it comes back again to attack you. I really don't like this pattern thing = 3="

Here are some:

- not feeling like studying

- sleeping late + naps

- not feeling like praying

- idolatry

haiz...I feel so weak right now...

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I mad read 1 Corinthians last night. I think God is telling me that I know too much but I don't do anything with it. Moreover, I have knowledge and might cause people to stumble because of my own sin. I need to stop being complacent and start fighting my sin.

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i don't know how to study...

Satan, Suffering and Christianity as a whole

I didn't know that Satan wouldn't want you to suffer. I thought he would want you to suffer so that you would flop on God. I guess he knows that through suffering we persevere in Jesus and we draw closer to Him. Quite interesting...

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Another thing that the Holy Spirit taught me this weekend was that Christianity is the truth. This is because we don't make our own salvation. We need mercy and grace and love to have salvation. Jesus had this all. He chooses us to be His children and He loves us since He died on the cross. He has mercy and grace on us so that we would soften our hearts and be convicted by the Holy Spirit. Religions based on "deeds leading to salvation" show that if your good deeds are greater than your bad deeds then you will enter the kingdom of god. However, if you are the one controlling your deeds and your salvation, what is the purpose of God? Aren't you God yourself? Sins can only be paid off by death. It is not by what you do or do not do. READ Romans 6:23 When someone murders another, in a society setting, we wouldn't let this crime pass by lightly. We wouldn't let volunteering in the community or some sort of good deed cover up this murder. This crime stays on our permenant record for life. I don't think the punishment for the crime would be light either. I think this person would have to have jail sentence for the rest of their life. This is like sin, it cannot be covered by good deeds. It is something that stains us for life and instead of a life sentence in jail we would receive a life sentence in hell. And what about internal sin? You can't do good and cover that since it is inside your heart. It isn't something you do.

Visitors

I'm really thankful that I have the opportunity to hang out with my cousin this weekend. It was really sweet of him to come and visit even though it was his birthday this weekend. He has changed a lot, physically, since I last saw him. However, he is the same socially. I don't really know about spiritually. I never chatted with my cousin about his spiritual life before. I hope God blesses me with the opportunity to talk to him.

I'm really happy that my cousin came : )

We had dinner today at Mirage. It is in one of the university plazas. We were going to go to a CCF dinner at ESM at first but the place was all booked up so the location changed to Pizza Hut. I'm thankful that the location changed because we would've went to dine with CCF and we wouldn't have been able to have the conversation we had tonight about evangelism and sharing.

God really blessed the conversation we had tonight (Thanks for answering our prayers)

I'm really thankful that God has allowed me to meet my long lost classmate too, T. Yung. It was really cool to see how he is passionate about God. We never talked to each other when we were in kindergarten to 1st grade but we're able to bond now and share about our spiritual growth.

Haiz...God works in amazing ways...

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I've been thinking lately about serving...

And this is when...

pride kicks in...

after I share my testimony infront of the public.

I pray to be humble.

judgement kicks in...

after I share the Gospel and don't understand why people don't accept it.

I pray to be even more humble

being hypocritical kicks in...

after I tell others how to live but don't do the same for my own.

I pray to be even more than more humble

Prayer: Father make me humble and not to doubt. I pray for Love to Love You back. I pray for Love to Love Your children. I pray for Love to Love Your people.

Physical Mediums

How many times...

do we look at ourselves when we dress up and compare with others?
do we look at photos and search for how great we look first before others?
do we look at others and compare them with ourselves?

how selfish.

no love in this at all...

How many times...

do we think about what we say before we talk?
do we think about what we type before we comment?
do we think about what we write before we send?
do we think about how others would feel before we post something online?

how selfish.

no love in this at all...

How many times...

do we message others and say "how are you?"
do we reply to others when they message you?
do we say nothing because we neglect how other people exist?

how selfish.

no love in this at all...

If that person were Jesus would you treat them the same?

Jesus says:
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. [...] I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the lease of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

(Matthew 25: 34 - 36,40)

Self Rambling

Praise: I am able to say Jesus' name again!
I had the opportunity to talk to M.Shum this weekend. I thank You for just making our bonds tighter. I feel like we turned from binding to bonding. I think I can talk to him easier now. Yay!
Praise God for Erik and Frosh Cell! I don't know if we're continuing this ministry next year but it is bringing a lot of non-Christians to knowing God and knowing Christ. It seems more like outreach to me than deep fellowship, although sometimes we have those nights of deep conversations and discussions and confessions and etc...
My floormate is going to church with K.Lam and I. I'm not sure which one he is going to go to consistently though....Creekside/Harvest Chapel. I'm going to ask him. It was also kind of sad 'cuz I gave him the Bible that I was going to give to my sister for her birthday present. Oh well...he needs one more desperately than my sister (she has a Bible already)? I don't know how to tell him that homosexuality is a sin. This is difficult because it is different from rebuking. I don't know how to talk to non-Christians. AHHH!

Struggles: Struggling to live by faith and not by emotions. Struggling to love by faith and not emotions. Struggling to not expect much from others. Struggling with reading the Bible. Struggling with praying. Struggling with desire for prayer. Struggling with desire for reading the Bible. Struggling with desire for God. Struggling with talking to others. I haven't been in the mood of communicating with others recently. It isn't a good thing because I feel like I'm pushing people away. I should be joyful. I should be proclaiming my faith to the world everyday and take up the challenge that Tyler said during Grad dinner as my daily lifestyle/habit. I have been feeling moody and silent and sleepy... Struggling with sleep...

Commitment: Outreach. I found my testimony from baptism by water and skimmed through it. I found my testimony from baptism by Spirit and skimmed through it.

Bible: Stuck on 1Corinthians 5-6. I don't understand at all. so confused....

Books: 2 more chapters of Crazy Love!!! Blue Print need to get through prayer!!!

Prayer: Father am I walking with You? or calling You to walk with me?
Jesus, I am honestly nothing without You. Can You give me Love to Love you back? Can You make me desire for You more and more each day?
Thank You Holy Spirit! Flow through my body, my veins, my spirit, my soul, my heart.

Sleep

I know it isn't early for most people but I'm sleeping early today! Yay! 1:30AM : )

Thanks for prayers

Ambushed

I am not scared

I am being attacked

It is painful to not feel the Spirit

It is painful to not be able to shout Jesus' name.

Pray for me?

one day as an atheist...

I tried living without God for one day. It was difficult to not pray and it was difficult to not read scripture or remember God's words. I felt really empty without God. I felt really empty without Jesus. I didn't plan to go to the Jesus Week dinner 'cuz I had a stats test (which went really bad) which ended at 7:30pm. I didn't plan to go to the Charity Ball 'cuz I thought it was stupid. I didn't go to the Arts Council event 'cuz I didn't want to listen to some veteran from some war. J. Chin text me the day before and invited me to C4C. I was planning to go home and vacuum and clean and do laundry and stuff and read after my stats test. However, J. Chin text me again during my stats test so I decided to attend the last half hour of C4C. They had worship for the last half hour. It was really dark when I entered MC2065 which meant I couldn't find J. Chin. There was one person on worship. She started singing and playing her guitar and I started crying. (I was kinda glad that I was alone in the dark and I knew barely anyone there so nobody saw me crying haha) anyway... I realized that I couldn't live without God and without Jesus.

Jesus IS Lord.

I read 1 Corinthians 13: 2-3. I honestly have nothing.

Prayer: Give me Love so I can Love You back. I have nothing.

Homosexuality and you

Part 2: click
Part 3: click
Part 4: click
Part 5: click
Part 6: click
Part 7: click
Part 8: click

Saturday Western

I woke up really late today. It is probably a result of me sleeping really late last night. AH! This is so bad! Why can't I control my sleeping habits? I'm so bad....

My whole body felt sore when I woke up. My biceps were sore from carrying my bag to London yesterday. I vividly remember struggling to get to the bus stop since my baggage was too heavy (I really need to go work out after this trip) My back was sore because of the way I was sleeping last night. I'm really thankful that God has given me a roof over my head and a bed to sleep on during this trip.

I contacted C.Tso and went to lunch with her. Hehe Bi.Leung lent me her bus pass for London so I got around the whole city free : ). I believe I went around the whole city today with C.Tso haha.

I'm thankful that I had Bi.Leung's bus pass today.

C.Tso and I went to Manna Grill for lunch. The Korean food was really yummy there. I had a pork bone soup. It took me an hour and a half to pick out all the meat out of the bone. It was kinda annoying 'cuz I felt like I had carpal tunnel syndrome after I finished eating. I'm thankful that God provided me with a place to eat today and eating one of my favourite dishes.

Dream Boy called after and asked to work at the library. I was using C.Tso's phone at the moment. Dream Boy asked if K.lam was with me, but she was stuck at Brian's place since she didn't have a way of transportation. We were trying to plan for a way for K.lam to come to library. I was on C.Tso's phone with one ear and my phone on the other talking to H.Fung. (I swear my head received triple the radiation at that moment) K.lam was online talking to Dream Boy. Haha it really reminded me of broken telephone. K.lam said that she wasn't going anymore so we ended that 4 way conversation but C.Tso and I agreed to go to the library.

After lunch, C.Tso and I went to Starbucks and I got a drink I believe it is a "Java Chip Frappucino". Starbucks was having a promo this weekend. They were giving out an extra treat at the side for buying a drink. I got this "Rocky Road" lollipop thing, which I gave to Dream Boy when I got to the Taylor Library. I was really thankful for C.Tso just bringing me out during the day...and night haha. God I'm so thankful that You let me catch up with her and talk about our spiritual lives. I really saw how much You have made her grown. God You're amazing! I'm thankful that You have given her the desire to reach out to Your children : )

C.Tso and I bussed down to the library and worked there for approximately 3 hours with Dream Boy. I got to meet a lot of people there. I was really thankful that God gave me a brother and a sister to accompany me during the day. I video chatted with my dad and brother. I was talking to them about teaching English in China. My dad said that I wasn't allowed to go because we aren't financially capable since I was going to HK in May so I there wasn't enough money to buy a ticket in July or August (considering that the gas prices have rocketed due to Libya). I studied Chinese after.

We went downtown London for dinner after at Moxies. The food was pretty good. I shared about my problem with sharing the Gospel to homosexuals and we kinda discussed it. The discussion changed topics to "completely ridding yourself of sin". Hence, the dilemma is not solved yet. I was really glad that we talked about the other topic though. I'm really thankful to have conversations about God with my brother and sister who I haven't talked to for a really long time.

We bussed back home after. It was a big adventure. C.Tso got dropped off at home first. I decided to try healing on the bus, so I prayed for her. I'm not sure how she is right now but I thought it was cool to try it out. Dream Boy and I transferred to a different bus.

While we were at the bus stop, I was observing the people around me. Most of them were looking in the direction that the bus would come. I kinda clicked in my head about our expectation of Jesus coming. I wonder, do we view Christ coming at any moment of the day like the bus? or are we passive? Do we expect Christ to come soon? I wonder, are we like the people at the bus stop? Do we always hope for the bus, Christ, to come A.S.A.P.?

Gosh! This is what God has been revealing to me for a while now. I'm not sure what it means...

When Dream Boy and I got on the bus we were transferring to, we were trying to figure out which stop to get off. When we did get off the bus, we were confused and kinda lost. It was scary but luckily we got of the the right stop. Thank You Lord! It was nice of Dream Boy to walk me home tonight because he did live away from Bi.Leung's place. Thank You Father for a brother to walk me home during the night...even at 11:30PM xP

Today felt like brother and sister day.

Tomorrow is Sunday, another busy day. I'm going to Harvest(London style). No worries, I'm God's lil' trooper.

Friday Western

I arrived at Western at approximately 6:50PM. K.lam and I went to some mall in London and I got a drink at the food court. Bi.Leung drove K.lam and B.Ma and I to the Western campus to attend ACF.

ACF was really small today. I don't know where everyone went. It was probably because of midterm week and people visiting places. There was Bible Study today. We were studying on prayer. It wasn't on a specific passage though like in CCF. It was more about an over all topic. We went through Daniel 6:10, James 4:3 and Matthew 6:9-13.

Something that really spoke to me was something that I was struggling with earlier on this year "we concentrate on how to get rid of a sin instead of concentrating on the prize which is building on our relationship with God". I remember I had an internal battle with in myself and sometimes I felt like I would puke or something from this. I couldn't concentrate during lectures and praying. Sometimes we think about how we could be transformed instead of how God will transform us through know how to Love Him. From the Bible study, I was reminded that it is not by what we do that will remove our sins because we cannot remove our sins. Only God can remove our sins through His Son.

I also learned about modern day healing. It was so cool! I met this guy called Willy and he told me about this time he went with his family to China for outreach. His whole family became sick during the missions trip. His brother had diarrhea and a fever so Willy spent 2-3 hours pray for his brother so that his fever would go away and it did after he prayed. The next day he got sick and had diarrhea and a really bad headache. He asked his brother to pray for him. His brother replied, "Oh I know you will get better." but he prayed for Willy anyway. His brother put his hand on Willy's head and started praying. After 10 seconds into the prayer the headache went away. SO COOL! SO MUCH FAITH!

The thing that supports this is what happened during and after the Bible Study. I had a major headache during the Bible study. I didn't care about it but it bothered me a lot during worship which was after Bible study. I started praying and asked God to heal my head so I could worship Him solely during worship without thinking about other stuff. After I finished praying I didn't feel pain in my head. SO AMAZING! WOW! HEALING IS REAL!

Haiz...that was an amazing experience!

It was pretty easy talking to people in ACF. They are pretty open. I think they are just shy and don't want to approach you first. haha. I think we need to take the initiative to talk to people if we really want to talk to people. This is something that I'm still working on. Sometimes I get scared or intimidated by others because of their facial expression. It is easier to talk to someone who smiles than frowns or looks angry or worried.

I talked to H.Fung after about the person I wanted to talk to. It was nice to hear about her friendship with that person and a her spiritual life.

Aiya! My headache is back again T ^ T...oh well.

I'm sleeping in G.Lee's room tonight - she is back in Toronto. Bi.Leung has a midterm tomorrow. H.Fung is going to bring me 'round campus tomorrow (I liked the pasta she made today). Their other roommate is in Kingston right now. I didn't meet her yet but I hope I do one day.

I want to go to Kingston and hang out with my cousin. I miss him a lot. I never talked to him about our spiritual lives before but I think I will start emailing him or something haha I want to see how God has been cultivating him.

Anyway...goodnight zZz Big day tomorrow. So much to do and so little time. I'm God's lil' trooper.

Before Western

I'm going to London this weekend. There is a specific person I really want to talk to but it must be God willing so that I could talk to this person. I don't know how to express my concern for this person because the way he thinks is walking with God isn't right or it seems iffy in my eyes.

Gosh! I'm afraid to talk to them though..'cuz I'm scared I would start judging them or getting angry.

I need a heart of prayer.

I need the Holy Spirit.

On the other half of this trip, I'm going to check out their fellowship and say "hi" to a couple of friends and ofcourse study('loo represent!)

Boasting Only in the Cross

Don't Nap

I was reading this article earlier and it kinda reminded me not to take naps when I don't seem to understand what I am doing. I shouldn't sleep but persevere! Only sleep when you know you have finished your task.

hehe...I'm feeling sleepy as I type this out. It is very ironic ><"

I'm a baby

I'm that little baby. The one that can't stop crying because of little problems and failures. I need my Father to help me everyday. I need Him to feed me with the Word. I need Him to guide me in the right direction so that I don't walk the wrong way and hurt myself. I need to hold on to His hand because I can't walk on my own or I will stumble and cry. I need His joy to keep me from crying. I need Him to change my diapers or I will continue to keep my dirty sins near me. I can't cleanse myself, let alone be baptised by Him, without Him or I will drown. I need His protection because I always like to get into danger. I need His attention to answer my baby cries. I need His Love or I will not be satisfied.

I am such a baby, I need my Father.

...without Him, I will die.

R.A.W.R.!

I'm feeling that Joy again! I can't stop smiling at everything even when people are suffering or in sorrow. I feel so much Joy from the Lord. I feel His presence. I can hear Him and see Him. I'm so Joyful!

I can see God through the suffering and pain. Even when people cry, I can't stop smiling. I know I should be more "concerned" looking when I see them but I can't stop smiling. I'm just so happy for their situation because I know that God is molding and transforming them through that situation. Moreover, Satan is attacking and people are persevering in the Lord. Satan knows that we are walking the down the right path so he is trying to tempt us. We are trusting in Jesus. We are crying out the the Lord. What is there not to "Praise the Lord" about? We should be jumping around and loving the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind. We should be dancing. We should be laughing and screaming and yelling. We should be smiling. We should be optimistic.

Rejoice!

RAWR

(Rejoice Always with Robustness)

: D

Prayer: Thank You God! Praise You! Rejoice!

A Taste of Judgement Day

E.Mak sent this to me. It is very eye-opening and very scary and very true. It is a taste of Judgement Day. It is so sad...

Sometimes I think that Jesus is coming later and not very soon but this video really made me think about Christ's second coming. It made me reflect on my sins and my position before God. I sometimes wonder if there are sins that I don't even realize that I have hidden away before God. I'm so scared if I don't know my sins. I need You to reveal it to me. I need to Love You whole heartedly. I don't want to live for men and I don't want to live for the world. I want to Live for You.

Another thought...

Wow...immorality is really a big problem in this world. We can see this through the media we watch and talk about. Oh my dearr...Christ is coming EXTREMELY soon...and this taste of Judgement Day makes me feel sorrow and an urgency to preach to the church and the homosexuals and my floormates.

Why Clothing?

To all those people out there who like fashion and clothes

...

I don't know why but especially girls that I'm not courageous enough to tell them about this...

Sometimes I wonder if girls notice if parts of their body is being exposed in a very explicit and revealing way. Do we think about how the article of clothing is cut and sown together? Do we see what the article of clothing is than what it is "called" or "seen"? For example, low collar shirts. Questions that should come to mind are: What do they reveal? How low is "low"? Is our mind process of wearing a specific style of clothing because of what others wear? Does this affect what we think about our bodies? Do we think that we look "good" in low collar shirts because others look very attractive in low collar shirts?

Doesn't God tell us:

"Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

(Romans 12:2)

We should ask ourselves:

"How am I bringing glory to God or keeping God's glory by wearing this shirt?"

Well...guys have this problem too but it is more about the "words" and "messages" they allow themselves to wear on their body than the style of the article of clothing.

Actually, to counter my thought above, guys need to watch what they wear too. I don't believe that they should be wearing muscle shirts. (I personally think that it looks extremely unattractive) It is calling others to be attracted to your body instead of your soul and spirit.

I know they talk a lot about this in Proverbs but I don't remember the passages...

Roomies

Gosh! I'm really thankful that God is answering so many prayers. I'm really thankful that He is making my roomies and I closer and He is making their desire for God greater.

He also made it possible for us to eat a meal together yesterday. We haven't had that for a while. It is kinda sad...which makes me think about next year since my roomates and I will be living with three other girls. Will we ever have a meal together, as a family? Will we ever pray together and have random prayer meetings?

I'm praying so...

Prayer: God I thank You for prayer and the ability to pray with others. Thank You Father

the Cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back, no turning back

I don't understand how You answer all of my prayers all at the same time. I don't understand Father. It doesn't make sense. It really shows how powerful You are.


How do You make me cry?
How do You break me so easily?
How do You give me so much faith and hope?
How do You speak to me when I thought I didn't hear you?
How do You reveal yourself to me when I thought I was blinded?


I finished reading Galatians last night and You spoke to me. You gave me so much encouragement.

I really need to get out of my Christian bubble and start talking to the non-Christians again. I need to stop being a hypocrite and sleep. I need to work for the Lord and not for men. I need to see my sins so that I could repent and produce good fruit. I am not worthy of these words that You soaked me in.

Thanks for the sermon too. (1 Corinthians 11: 17- 34) This morning I got a lot of time to reflect on myself and how I presented myself before You. You revealed my sin to me and convicted me of it. I sinned against so many people. I thought I was Loving others but I wasn't. I tried Loving others without Loving You first. Thank You for letting me cry and see my sin.

Thank You for making the sermon really personal too. I remember in my testimony for baptism I used the lyrics:

"the Cross before me, the world behind me

no turning back, no turning back"

It really made me think about not giving up, but persevering in my struggles to become stronger in my faith for You. I thought it was really a message from You to me too haha because the lyrics have a lot of definition to me.

Thank You Father. Thank You Jesus. Thank You Spirit.

the 100th

This is my 100th post on this blog. It has been 3 years since I made this blog.

I was reading and reflecting on my past blog posts, every single post. I can say that I did grow exponentially from grade 10 but I think my desire for God dropped from January. What happened to the desire of placing God first?

Dayummmm...

I haven't heard the Gospel recently either. I haven't been reading the Bible as frequently either. I'm still stuck on Galatians when I could've started a different book by now. I haven't been listening to online sermons recently. I haven't been hearing God's voice recently either.

I haven't been seeking as frequently as I should.

One word...

"Bad"

What happened to "One Love"?

Education and Career

I don't understand.

My marks stink and I don't know what to do.

I feel so down.

God I need Your help.

I wanted to become a doctor because of You. I wanted to be a healer. I want to heal people physically. However, unlike most doctors, I want to heal people spiritually too. God is this what You want? I wish my heart was 100% in tune with the Holy Spirit right now that I would know what You would want.

I need to learn to appreciate what You have provided with me too. I don't think I completely understand that either.