God uses my mind. I don't understand why. He changed someone who was an acquaintance to someone much more. I'm not attached in any possible way, physically, emotionally, socially, etc... which makes the situation more mysterious.
Sometimes I have internal battles because I believe that I will place this person before God. I don't understand why this is a struggle when people normally accept their thoughts and feelings for this situation.
I asked God to take this thought or desire away.
He didn't.
He replied, "See how much you have grown?"
I reflected, "Yeah..."
Through this struggle God has taught me to depend on Him more, my position before Him, trust Him, not look for understanding but peace and Love others.
God made me weak with this struggle. God has made me weary with the struggle. God has broken me down with this struggle. He made me realize how much more I needed Him.
God uses him to make me see what I did that does not resemble Loving others. God uses him to make me see that I need to care for other's feelings more. God uses him to make me see if I am causing others to sin.
God uses him to encourage me during times when I don't see a purpose in what I do. God uses him when I don't want him to use him and realize that I need this struggle.
God uses him to transform me.
...so why am I wanting to push this away when it is so beneficial? Why am I going against God? Why do I try to get away from him when I know that God is using him to transform me. Why must I rebel?
Prayer: God I ask for courage and boldness and acceptance. I can't do this alone. I need You. I need to step in Your footsteps that are laid before me and know that it is a safe spot.
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