Conviction of the Day

I got this off the Hebrews 10:24 group on facebook. It spoke to me because I believe that this is very applicable to me. I always compare myself with others and look down on myself. This is from the member "Jermaine Wall".

Conviction of the Day:

Just discovered a break-through in my sin of comparison. I've been convicted over and over about me comparing myself, my circumstances and everything in between to the other people and their circumstances. In many ways, the crux of everything is me saying "That's not fair. Why does so-and-so get this, but I don't?"After pondering about the wide variety of blessings that God's put on me (thanks to the prompting and encouraging from a few brothers in Christ), and reading a few Biblical resources, I've come to a few conclusions:
(1) Other people could say the same thing about me. "That's not fair. Why does Jermaine get so-and-so, but I don't?" I wouldn't be able to answer that, because God's blessings are evident in my life.
(2) God continues to meet every single need of myself and my brothers/sisters. Why complain?
(3) "Fairness" is actually a guise for pride -- why does everything have to be about me?
(4) The path our Lord took while on Earth is one that stands up against "fair" and "justice." While our King never sinned against God or His neighbours, Jesus always received the unjust and unfair brunt of situations. He continued to love. He continued to pour Himself out for His people. He continued to take insults and hatred. He endured the mocking of men. He was scorned by men, and considered dirt. He was sent to the Cross for our sins, to satisfy the just punishment we deserved
(5) Imagine if Jesus lashed out against those who were "unfair" or "unjust" to Him? We'd all be going to Hell.
(6) Did our Lord "deserve" to be killed and punished on a Cross? No, yet he bore our sins. "He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows;yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. - Isaiah 53:3-5

My challenge:

How can we then view our circumstances? Can we continue to look at things as a matter of "fair" or "unfair"? Can we continue to complain about life, all the while forgetting that God disciplines those He loves? What does this leave us, Christians? What options do we have left? Are we going to continue day-dreaming about what we could have, or are we going to seek to glorify God where He's placed us?

I remain challenged by my sin of comparison, but by looking at the Cross, and cherishing the fact that He took the wrath that was due to us, I can now view life differently and rejoice. I'm saved! I'm a son of God! Comparison...the only one we can compare ourselves to is God, and not others. Let's strive for Holiness.

--Jermaine Wall

June Routine

I'm back to the same April routine.

Wake up at 7AM to make lunch for siblings.
Wake siblings up at 7:30AM for school.
Send off siblings at 8AM for school.

then...do nothing until 3PM when I go pick-up my siblings from school.

I feel like a mom. Tonight I have to cook dinner for my family.

haha...

I'm still trying to look for jobs or volunteering opportunities. It is so difficult to find something to do during the summer. I wonder what God wants me to do during this summer because volunteering or working doesn't seem like part of His plan. This makes me feel like an "adult".

God Answered my Prayers...?

Today was my first service at church since I returned from Hong Kong. I was very surprised to see a couple of people today at church and surprised to know what the topic of Sunday school and service were.

I was very surprised to see a floormate attend our church. His name is Andy. I remember when I talked to him during the school year, he wasn't very interested in religion and Christianity. I believe we were talking about deep stuff. I also remembered during the school year I prayed for God to deliver our floormates from evil and get to know Jesus. I can't believe that we saw atleast one floormate at church and especially SCommAC!! I was also surprised to see D go to church. It was funny because E.Lo, Dream Boy and I were just joking around the other month about praying for him to become Christian or else something would be unholy. I talked to D today and he said he accepted Christ as Lord and Saviour last week. WOW...


For Sunday School we're learning about "Seeking for God" which is the answer to my prayer for the past month. For Service we're learning about "Loving Others".

During my trip to HK I thought God forsaked me and everyone was telling me that He doesn't forsake His children. I wish I didn't doubt...

HK lessons

I'm going back to Canada tomorrow. I learned a couple of things...

1. I need to keep seeking for God (I'm not sure how to...)

2. Apparently I have the gift of intercession and prayer...

3. prophesy about "Something about pursuing "the one"" (wahh??? need to test it first)

Apparently, there is this one person that I have to be the messenger for between that person and God...so am I a prophet?

4. prophesy about great things (very vague but need to test it anyway...)

5. I need to keep praying for my grandma and uncle

My grandma's heart is a lot less hardened than before. Apparently, she didn't even want to talk about religion before but when I visited her we talked about Jesus. (maybe she is being nice 'cuz I'm her grand daughter haha)

6. Another prophesy...I need to find a group of people who will go out and share the Gospel with me...or something...

7. I need to spend more time in personal prayer

I have trouble praying...I can't pray by myself. Alex said that if I have trouble praying, pray for him. haha

8. I'm going to start reading the Chinese Bible and learn Chinese. I might join the Cantonese fellowship too...not sure...have to pray about it

9. I love my grandma very much

Cults in HK

I keep on meeting false prophets here.

Yesterday, I met with these people that go this cult called "Church of God". They believe that there is not only a Heavenly Father, but a Heavenly Mother. I have no idea how they extracted that from the scripture. They said that salvation comes when we call upon the Holy Spirit and the Heavenly Mother and not through Jesus. They said that in the Old Testament, you call upon the Father for salvation and during Jesus' life on earth you call upon Jesus. However, during our times we call upon the Holy Spirit. They somehow extracted this from Revelations 22:17. They made me feel angry.

The day before, Mich and I met Filipino people at a McDonald's at the IFC. They were from the church of Seventh Day Adventists. They were very nice but what they believed in wasn't right.

Why is it that I always attract people from different cults...or I always encounter them. I wish I could speak Cantonese well and know those Chinese religious terms. Language is my barrier : S

Haiz...

Night Messages

I've been getting messages in the middle of the night. I always wake up and feel like reading my Bible. The night before yesterday was Acts 19. Yesterday night was Matthew 24. I always feel scared of God after I read the scripture too.

Dreaming in HK

I really enjoy sleeping at HK. I'm sleeping better here and I'm receiving dreams. However, they are really random...here are the dreams from the past few days:

May 8, 2011

Last night I went to fellowship at “the Vine”. The speaker told us what the definition of child-like faith was. I learned that to have a child-like faith, you would ask God for your task and follow the task that He would want you to do. I prayed to Jesus for a task before I slept. I had a couple of dreams last night.

I don’t remember the first dream but I remember I woke up and I heard a very scared voice of either a mature adult man or woman saying “The lord wants me to die.” It was very creepy... I prayed to God for discernment and for Him to deliver us from the evil one. I remember the first thing that came to mind before I woke up was “Spiritual warfare”. I felt like there was a lot of that in Hong Kong. I don’t know why but I felt like there were a lot of evil spirits here, everywhere.

Billie, Brian Ma and a couple other people (I don’t remember their faces) were studying in this study room in Hong Kong. We took a break or something so we went downstairs and we crossed the street to check out the surroundings. On the other side of the streets was a sketchy building. I went inside with someone (I don’t remember who but it was someone I knew) and found some VCR tapes. I remember that I went to the washroom before I came out and the washroom was very nice. Brian, Billie, a couple of other people and I were chilling on the streets. Then we see fire trucks and police trucks. I remember either Billie or Brian almost got hit by one. Then Billie started talking about the sketchy building and how some guy was doing illegal stuff with the VCR tapes and he was hiding this stuff behind the banner of the store. We found one of the tapes in a shopping cart. Then I woke up because I thought I was late for church but it is only 6AM.

Cool! I didn’t know the mafia would be up so early at 6AM. I just saw some race cars speed madly on the highway. I guess they’re late for church.

May 9, 2011

Timothy Yung was in my dream last night. I don’t remember what happened though because I remembered I woke up and was too lazy to write it down.

I dreamed I had a physics exam at Waterloo. Mr. Gibson was my physics professor. He was a good teacher. I remember Valerie Yip was in my class. I don’t remember most of the details though. I know I did go to the cafeteria to eat something.

meh...

Feeling kind of hopeless at the moment because I don't know what to do. I don't think that God is answering any of my prayers at the moment.

My grandma's heart is so hardened. She 100% does not believe in prayer...well I'm having a little trouble believing in prayer at the moment too.

Why is it so difficult to rejoice?

Something about Rainbows...?

Finally, I can speak English again...I met up with Ken and Ally yesterday at the Olympic station. We took around an hour or so to get to our final destination. I shared with them about the Freshwind Conference and what I am having trouble with at the moment. I went to Tsim Sha Tsui with them. We walked around and saw a Christian Book Store. So cool...it was kinda random because I never expected to see stores like that in HK. I asked my Aunt about it and she said that there were a lot in HK. What caught my eye outside the store was "Holy Bible". There were also 2 HKD postcards. I didn't like all of them except this fat panda haha. Ally found a devotional book that applied to my struggle. I feel better now. I'm learning to have more faith and getting rid of my doubt. I'm praying for faith right now. Ken bought me a bookmark. I don't remember what it said but it was something about rainbows and God haha.

I read "Faith Prayer" from Blueprint. I'm praying to ask for the fullness of the Holy Spirit, to wait on God and to have more faith in what I pray for.

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I wasn't online today because I spent time upstairs look for Chinese Christian terms in my Chinese-English Talking dictionary on my phone. It was so cool and fun because I learned a lot of new words in Mandarin. After I learned it in Mandarin, I asked my grandma how to read it in Cantonese so now I know resurrection, resurrect, Holy and a couple others (I don't remember what I asked her). Hehe I'm thankful that I bought the phone that I have right now because the Christian terms are defined really well with a lot of Biblical references and stuff. Thank You Jesus!

When my grandma read me the Christian terms in Cantonese, she told me stuff about the Gospel. I guess she heard it before. I was talking to her about babies (don't talk to you grand parents about babies because they lecture you about sexual relationships) and offering after but she doesn't know Jesus. I think she sees Jesus as a God of wrath and not a God of wrath and Love. Jesus, I want her to know You. Please, have mercy on her!

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Luke 16 is confusing... I don't understand = 3="

Went to the Market

Yesterday, I didn't do much. During the morning I woke up and ate congee. After that I washed the floors and dishes. My grandma taught me how to cook noodles in her own special way. Hehe noodles :) anyway...I spent time reading the Bible yesterday and reading the Blueprint again. I was reading the chapter on "Waiting Prayer". I exercised it but fell asleep. Then I slept for maybe four hours because of jet lag. By the time I woke up it was dinner.

I went out with my uncle and his family to eat dinner at Olympic City 2. I ate dishes I never ate before in Canada. They were very oily and there wasn't much vegetables. However, I am very thankful that I got to eat those "special" dishes because they were very yummy and I got to spend time with my baby cousin, Anson. He is very cute. He speaks both Cantonese and English very well. He doesn't know how to read yet. I brought him a Children's Beginner Bible from Canada. Hopefully he will learn how to read and love Jesus from the Bible.

From talking with my cousin I definitely know that I would like to work with children when I have a stable occupation.

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My grandma has a sore throat at the moment. I tried praying for my grandma last night but she didn't want me to pray with her. She said that she didn't believe in Christianity so I shouldn't pray with her. I didn't pray WITH her but I prayed for her in my own room. Her heart is still hardened...

I'm praying for mercy on her.

Since I read the "Waiting prayer" chapter of Blueprint, I tried it. Nothing happened last night. I didn't really hear the Lord's voice. I feel like I can't connect with Him right now. I feel very distant. I don't know what is stopping me from being connected to Him. Since, I didn't get much from waiting and praying, I read scripture. I was continuing on reading the book of Luke. The chapters 12 and 13 are kind of confusing. I don't really understand it.

After I prayed last night and went to sleep I had a bad dream. I was sinning a lot in my dream. I did a lot of stuff that I would never do or would do or thought of doing. For example swearing. I was conscious in my dream so I realized that I was starting to sin. I told myself don't do this and I started to repent and ask God for forgiveness. Then I woke up because I knew that my dream was a bad dream. When I woke up, I was stuck on the bed again. I got sleep paralysis for the...sixth time? I don't know but I'm getting it a lot this year...

I'm still having problems being confident. I don't know why but I'm worrying a lot about worldly things at the moment. This is very bad...

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This morning I went to the immigration office to apply for my HK ID Smart Card. I took my picture and stuff. It was a very fast process. The people here are very efficient.

After that I went to Mong Kok market with my auntie. She taught me how to bus and buy stuff there. It was fun! :) I bought choy sum, lemons and pears. I pray that these will help my grandma be better. It was sad to see that every market stall had a small Chinese temple. We need to pray for this city to love Jesus!

My dream on the airplane

I remembered in my dream I was feeling very put down. Different people started encouraging me. I don’t remember what they said but I remembered they were encouraging me. I was still feeling very low. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he encouraged me. I was so surprised that I woke up. I wonder if this is given from God or from my own thoughts and feelings? Holy Spirit I need discernment.

F.O.P.

Hallo! I arrived in HK last night. The flight was pretty good. I enjoyed the food and the service and the movie and the my new friend.

My plane buddy is called Torus. He was going home in Guang Zhou to visit his family. He came over to Canada to study. This year was his second year (if I remember correctly). He is in first year Engineering Science at University of Toronto. At first, it was really difficult to talk to him because I didn't know what to talk to him about. I prayed to God for an opportunity to talk to him about religion and God. I'm sure that God was working on that plane because I did eventually get to talk to Torus about my faith in God. I don't remember how we brought up the topic though...oh well..that just makes it even more miraculous.

Torus questioned me about Christianity. He thought that there were a lot of "rules" that we had to follow to be Christian. I explained to him about the Old Testament and the New Testament. I shared with him the Gospel. I didn't share with him my testimony though...I think I should have. He didn't accept Christ but he thought that religion was pretty interesting and that I'm very devout or something haha

Hehe...the flight was so embarrassing because I accidentally drank Torus' cup of water once. AIYA! so embarrassing hahahaha

I took some time to pray on the plane and read my Bible and Blueprint. I was praying for the Holy Spirit's presence to be upon me. I want Him to fill me up more and more and more. I'm still praying for the gift of tongues. I feel like I'm very doubtful at the moment because my Chinese is still very bad. Moreover, I don't know how to open up to my grandma and I haven't spoke to my uncle about the fortune teller thing either. I keep on doubting that Jesus' chose me again. I need more faith!

Praying for faith and the presence of the Holy Spirit.

Airport

Haiz...so sad I'm by myself in the airport waiting for the the plane to be boarded. It is so boring right now and sad. I'm going on this trip by myself. When I was going to the passenger wait off area I had to say "Goodbye!" to my dad. Usually I'm really tough and I don't cry, but I felt like crying this time. However, I was still tough enough to hold back the tears. I was about to cry so I ran into the washroom and I just thought to myself that I have so much time with God now. At home I was really busy taking care of my siblings. Now I feel like I'm alone. I can learn to depend on God.

Rediscover You - Starfield

I need to just admit

my faith is paper thin

I'm feeling so burned out

On religion

I say an empty prayer

I sing a tired song

I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back

You told me

Look for You and I will find

So I'm here

Like I'm searching for the first time

Revive me, Jesus

Make this cold heart start to move

Help me rediscover You

I want to learn to pray

The way that David prayed

I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name

I want to feel like new

I want to hunger for you

Bring me back to life like only You can do

Cause I don't want to stay the same

You told me

Look for You and I will find

So I'm here

Like I'm searching for the first time

Revive me, Jesus

Make this cold heart start to move

Help me rediscover You

Lord, I want to be Yours today

I want to know the passion of the saints

And how they were changed

You told me

Look for You and I will find

So I'm here

Like I'm searching for the first time

Revive me, Jesus

Make this cold heart start to move

I want to burn for You

Bring me back to life, Jesus

Help me rediscover You

This is exactly how I feel. I want to get Starfield's "Saving One" album...the worship songs are nice, too bad I'm not going to be at the concert...

One of the Last Prayers...

The roof of my mouth feels kinda funny-painful-ish right now...not very good 'cuz I'm going to HK tomorrow. I hope I'm not getting sick.

I'm feeling so low and I know that I have nothing to offer to God right now except my problems. I can't even worship or pray or praise. Everything that comes out of my mouth are complains and words of obedience. I'm fighting against my desire to argue. I hate this so much because I feel like a geyser that is filling up with more and more pressure until I explode.

dangg...

Why do I feel like this before I go to HK?

I can't even remember any Bible verses right now.

Jesus I need You. Will you come to the rescue? I feel like You won't because You have forsaken me and left me behind because I'm acting like a little baby. I feel like a lil' nuisance on the earth that doesn't deserve my parents attention. I'm doubting so much in You right now but may You exchange this doubt for faith? Will you exchange these complains for a mouth of praise. Will you exchange my depressed heart for a heart of joy? Will you exchange my troubled mind for a mind with the Spirit's peace? Will you exchange my hate for myself for a Love for You? This is my prayer in Jesus name. Amen.

The end.